The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
