I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
tell me about the eggs
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
