Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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