tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
