I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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