So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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