so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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