6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
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