you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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