my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
cat food counts as protein by the way
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
