Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
