Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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