so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I'm just crazy horny about you
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
