No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
