A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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