you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
