oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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