And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
