I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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