Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
