Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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