no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
