Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize
