who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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