bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize