Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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