i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
