Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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