after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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