So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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