Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
