i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
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