Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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