We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
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i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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