I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
