She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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