My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
