I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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