Apparently you make a good broom.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
My vagina just clenched in fear
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
