Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
