he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
