He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
