Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
