I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
