I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
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