i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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