Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
