her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Shame - the story of my life.
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