The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Another day, another engagement, another cat
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
