I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Randomize
