I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I need moral support for this bender
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Randomize
