Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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