You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
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Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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