I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
