I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
