i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
OPIZZABONMYDICK
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
