He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
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Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
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Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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