No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
