Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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