dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I had to cum in my sink.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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