he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
