she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
