Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Randomize
