Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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