hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
