YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Can i not drive my cunt home
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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