Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
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