he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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