Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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