Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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