I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
