My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
It's never too late to be topless.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
